This Year I Will

There is a certain Kate Spade gold bangle bracelet that I have had my eye on for quite some time.  It is called the "This Year I Will" bracelet because it is engraved with those words on the inside of the bangle and on the exterior, for all to see and read is "read the classics, conquer the souffle, learn to cha-cha, take up the trumpet, fall head over heels". The beauty of the bracelet is not necessarily in what the designer chose to list on it because I don't particularly have an interest in learning the trumpet.  The beauty lies in the concept of it, the concept of trying new things, scratching things off your bucket list and take the upcoming year by storm. 

I finally bought it for myself and then was quickly warned to bring it back because my parents bought it for me as one of my Christmas gifts.  I have yet to have it fully embrace my wrist and cannot wait to have those words wrapped around me in full disclosure.  It'll be a daily reminder to take this life of mine, grab it by the proverbial balls and live it up to the extreme.

I am a woman of many words, but be that as it may, I am uncomplicated and easily inspired by messages of few words, hence why I adore this particular bracelet.  Preston Bailey is an event planner (extraordinaire) to celebrities and anyone wealthy enough to support his creativity and ideas for your event.  From his blog, I give you his short and sweet reminders for 2011:

• Dream more while you are awake
• Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
• Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Don’t hate.
• No one is in charge of your happiness EXCEPT YOU.
• Don’t have negative thoughts or things you can’t control, instead invest your energy in the positive present.
• Live with the 3 E’s: Energy, Enthusiasm and Empathy.
• Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes a day.
• Don’t compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
• Get rid of anything that isn’t useful, beautiful or joyful

http://blog.prestonbailey.com/2010/12/22/reminder-for-the-new-year/

They're all things that I knew already but when they're put into such small nuggets of a sentence you can't refute their viability and effectiveness.  They are sensible reminders to appreciate every single thing given and done onto you.  Without life, without people, without friends, without experiences, we are void of the opportunity to gain insight, learn, change, remain and reflect.

LC
xo

What Ernest Hemingway says goes !

I never thought being a big dreamer would be a bad thing until I pinpointed it as the root cause of my false hopes. My first source of energy comes from my mind, how I can take a situation and dream it bigger, better, grander, differently and to my detriment, unrealistically. My mind knows no boundaries and with that ability, to see and dream things longer and further down the road than what their life expectancy is meant to be, has time and time again lead to disappointment. I am left with a feeling that is far less satisfying than what I was hoping. All fancy talk aside, in other words, I get ahead of myself. This rings true for all things in my life, aspirations, career, personal goals, relationships etc. 

There is a fine line between having dreams such as having a family, a certain career goal, or traveling to the far corners of the earth, and dreaming beyond your means, even in your own mind. There is so much flare in what I think up that I make it so easy to want to slip away into this fabrication and just as hard to escape it.

That was my previous school of thought, until I came across something uttered from the lips of Ernest Hemingway:

“That is what we are supposed to do when we are at our best - make it all up - but make it up so truly that later it will happen that way”.

Well, what Ernest says goes. Ladies and gentleman, dream big. Believe in what you create. Believe in the strength of your dreams. If you lay the groundwork necessary for them to laboriously come to fruition (in my case, the talent and drive), then it is attainable.

Happy Dreams

LC

xo

Dare you to move

We are in the middle of the biggest and most widely spread time of giving.  Aside from the impatience we may encounter when tackling the busy shopping centres and the long line ups in the retail stores, we are all cheery, jovial and happy.  There is something about Christmas, the decor, the music and the ambience that instills a sense of togetherness, a brother and sisterhood, a strong commoradory.  The act of giving can take on many forms which all start with a lighting of our "generous" fire within us.  There's the giving of material gifts. There is the monetary donations that we give to charities or the salvation army.  Then there is the act of being kind to others, opening doors for a stranger, spreading the cheer and delivering smiles.  The common denominator here is the person for whom the act is towards: others. 

Now that I am on vacation, I have a couple things on my to do list.   Directly taken from my facebook status,  I am: officially on vacation which means coffee and baileys every morning, hours at the gym, reconnecting with her designing, blogging, having at least 1 dance party a day to a classic, ample amounts of beer and wine, playing cards, reading, cooking, jogs with the dog, breakdancing, corny movies, scattegories and day long pj  parties.  My to do list is one that completely revolves around me. How great of a concept.  It is long overdue.  All the things mentioned above, I will check off, but most importantly, are all things that will occupy my mind when needed, will give me the time to clear my mind of what needs to be thrown out and will give me the clarity to reinstate feelings, sentiments, thoughts and opinions that once were prevalent in this "noggin" of mine. 

This Christmas, while I will be carrying out generous deeds for my loved ones with great enthusiasm, I will also be generous towards myself, not with material possessions however. The greatest gift I will be giving myself this festive season is the intangible gift of forgiveness.

Forgiveness is defined by the Oxford Dictionary as " [no longer] feel[ing] angry or resentful towards someone for an offence, flaw or mistake....no longer feeling angry about or wishing to punish an offence, flaw or mistake".  The act of forgiving usually stems from an apology.  Hopefully one of sincerity.  In the event that no apology is given, then what?  How can you turn your negative emotions towards a person into positive ones, of redemption?  The lack of an apology is usually indicative that the wrong doer is not sorry, has not reflected and seen the hurt in their actions or words.  Naturally, any human being will come to the conclusion that this person does not deserve forgiveness.  But here is where the tricky part comes in, one that I've been tackling with for some time.  Forgiveness is a "selfish" act, for the lack of a better term. Essentially it is not done for that person.  You are not giving them anything by tying up the loose ends in your heart and mind and fixing what they have wronged.  You are doing it for yourself and to appease your inner self.  Forgiveness is about letting go. Holding onto negative feelings is just as taxing on the soul than holding onto positive ones for the wrong reasons.  They are also equally as difficult to get rid of.  An unwillingness to forgive can bring you to a very caliginous place.  Allowing yourself to see past the hurt ignites a very different kind of inner light, a strength, a sense of empowerment that you came to all on your own.  It gives you this sense of entitlement that you whole heartedly deserve inner peace.  That feeling cannot be shaken.   

I never got an apology.  It was always very upsetting. For the longest time I always thought  that if and when I would hear those divine words "I'm sorry", everything would be ok and the dust would settle.  That is the furthest thing from reality.  My dust will have to settle with words unspoken because firstly, cowards never apologize, secondly, I refuse to seek out an apology.  I know I have what it takes to move along without ever hearing that all-powerful, apologetic declaration.

To forgive is better than the alternative so as of now, I am releasing all my anxiety and anger associated to specific ordeals.  I dare myself to move forward to a place of cessation, serenity and repose. And I suggest you do the same.  Take your personal experiences and purge to start anew. 

LC

xo

Back to the Future

I've always fancied myself someone who was able to judge a good character, in more detail, someone who was able to dissect a person at first glance, upon words spoken, shared moments, and glances given.  Where does this ability come from?  Past experience most definitely.  But can that past experience cloud or misguide you in your first analysis of this "new" person?  The answer is an unwavering yes.

A couple years ago, I met a gentleman who, with great charm, swept me off my feet.  At the time I knew everything was wrong, with him, with me, with us together.  There were many external factors coming into play that made my choice of him so wrong, on so many levels.  But without going into that detail, I will carry on with this short lived romance.   It started with lengthy conversations, dates, dinners, and hints of romanticism and fantasy.  He told me what I wanted to hear, but at the time, I didn't see it that way.  I saw it as he was telling me things he felt, meant and wanted to say.  And then it all ended in being ignored.  Ignored by a man, for all intents and purposes we will call him that, who gave me, and reciprocal it was, his undying like and attention for months.  I felt awful.  Was it me.  Was it something I said.  Was it something I didn't say.  Was it something I should have said.  Was it something I should have done.   I cannot count how many conversations I had with myself to try and understand his logic, or lack there of.  We spoke briefly once I raised the issue with him and he told me, and I quote "I don't deal with things properly.  I just ignore them in hopes that it all goes away".  Ouch.  So rather than be upfront with someone you've been conversing with for some time, you opt to ignore. 

Second experience.  Short version: the man I was seeing went to New York and had a 4 day sexscapade with his ex girlfriend (I realize sexscapade is not a word).  I know, isn't that grand.  The flood of emotions I went through with a couple of my experiences definitely have shaped me...for the good and, to be relevant to this blog insert, for the bad. 

This is where my concern lies.  Have these "douchebags" tarnished my outlook? If so, permanently or just temporarily?  I'm going to jump the gun and answer the second question first by saying that no man can hurt me permanently.  I am a firm believer in self progression and helping one self out by 1) taking from the past and learning 2) we are the ones that control our emotions, reactions and adverse effects of our situation.  I digress.  All this begs the question, am I still affected?  Am I still affected by what they have done to me?  To be honest and contrite, yes I am.  Whenever I feel a sentiment or have a thought remotely close to something similar to what I had/felt with these men, I immediately make this unreasonable link between the past and present. 

My studies in critical thinking and argumentation, have taught me that while things can be similar in two different scenarios, in this case, past and present, to immediately categorize them as the same, without just cause other than "well, just because..." is faulty, possibly invalid and not firmly placed.  Past experiences help us to see red flags when we normally wouldn't have had we not gone through what we've gone through.  So in that sense, they are extremely helpful.  But when we are misguided and are drawing reference to bottled up hurt, we can potentially raise, not see, a red flag and we run the risk of, in simple laymen terms, fucking up.

So, to make a full circle, I will end it with this.  Yes, I am a good judge of character.  Yes past experiences can cloud your judgment, I'm a prime example.  Yes, my judgment of the new is tainted by characters who gladly no longer play a role in my life. But on the same token, no, I will not allow it to rain on my parade. 

If any of this was properly worded and came out coherently, I applaud myself. When I have a thought, I just run with it until my mind is dry.

Gnight, LC

Why

Again, the time has come for another blog authored by me, LC.  I’ve jump started blogs before, having to do with things of interest, such as art and fashion.  But I felt there wasn’t much substance to any of it.  I am more than beautiful clothing.  I thoroughly enjoy perusing fashion collections and coming to my own, somewhat educated opinions on them.  But I sometimes feel that a blog on such topics as the above mentioned are a dime a dozen (I’m finally using that expression in the proper context).  They lack anything and everything useful and insightful.  At my core, that is what I am, insightful, along with expressive, intelligent (not at all tooting my own horn), vocal and analytical.  Couple that with my inherent need to want to talk, and what that creates is an inevitability of a blog.

To start a more meaningful blog was an idea that came from someone I recently met.  This particular male character’s blog spawned from devastating personal experiences.  It’s nothing but the truth in its purest, rawest form.  This blog has not spawned from similar events, but simply from the longing and urgency to want to write.  A spawn of a spawn.  Simply put.  What I think and have to say is not superior to what anyone else thinks and feels. I, however, just happen to be one of those people, however lucky or cursed, that has a lot to say, whose mind is never at rest, whose analytical tendencies take up much of her time and whose main approach is to talk things out.  I need to vocalize, not internalize.  In this case, write it out.  This is about getting lost in translation.  It is about getting wrapped up in my thoughts, so much so, that the final outcome will be nothing but me, myself and I, spilled over an internet page.