Dare you to move

We are in the middle of the biggest and most widely spread time of giving.  Aside from the impatience we may encounter when tackling the busy shopping centres and the long line ups in the retail stores, we are all cheery, jovial and happy.  There is something about Christmas, the decor, the music and the ambience that instills a sense of togetherness, a brother and sisterhood, a strong commoradory.  The act of giving can take on many forms which all start with a lighting of our "generous" fire within us.  There's the giving of material gifts. There is the monetary donations that we give to charities or the salvation army.  Then there is the act of being kind to others, opening doors for a stranger, spreading the cheer and delivering smiles.  The common denominator here is the person for whom the act is towards: others. 

Now that I am on vacation, I have a couple things on my to do list.   Directly taken from my facebook status,  I am: officially on vacation which means coffee and baileys every morning, hours at the gym, reconnecting with her designing, blogging, having at least 1 dance party a day to a classic, ample amounts of beer and wine, playing cards, reading, cooking, jogs with the dog, breakdancing, corny movies, scattegories and day long pj  parties.  My to do list is one that completely revolves around me. How great of a concept.  It is long overdue.  All the things mentioned above, I will check off, but most importantly, are all things that will occupy my mind when needed, will give me the time to clear my mind of what needs to be thrown out and will give me the clarity to reinstate feelings, sentiments, thoughts and opinions that once were prevalent in this "noggin" of mine. 

This Christmas, while I will be carrying out generous deeds for my loved ones with great enthusiasm, I will also be generous towards myself, not with material possessions however. The greatest gift I will be giving myself this festive season is the intangible gift of forgiveness.

Forgiveness is defined by the Oxford Dictionary as " [no longer] feel[ing] angry or resentful towards someone for an offence, flaw or mistake....no longer feeling angry about or wishing to punish an offence, flaw or mistake".  The act of forgiving usually stems from an apology.  Hopefully one of sincerity.  In the event that no apology is given, then what?  How can you turn your negative emotions towards a person into positive ones, of redemption?  The lack of an apology is usually indicative that the wrong doer is not sorry, has not reflected and seen the hurt in their actions or words.  Naturally, any human being will come to the conclusion that this person does not deserve forgiveness.  But here is where the tricky part comes in, one that I've been tackling with for some time.  Forgiveness is a "selfish" act, for the lack of a better term. Essentially it is not done for that person.  You are not giving them anything by tying up the loose ends in your heart and mind and fixing what they have wronged.  You are doing it for yourself and to appease your inner self.  Forgiveness is about letting go. Holding onto negative feelings is just as taxing on the soul than holding onto positive ones for the wrong reasons.  They are also equally as difficult to get rid of.  An unwillingness to forgive can bring you to a very caliginous place.  Allowing yourself to see past the hurt ignites a very different kind of inner light, a strength, a sense of empowerment that you came to all on your own.  It gives you this sense of entitlement that you whole heartedly deserve inner peace.  That feeling cannot be shaken.   

I never got an apology.  It was always very upsetting. For the longest time I always thought  that if and when I would hear those divine words "I'm sorry", everything would be ok and the dust would settle.  That is the furthest thing from reality.  My dust will have to settle with words unspoken because firstly, cowards never apologize, secondly, I refuse to seek out an apology.  I know I have what it takes to move along without ever hearing that all-powerful, apologetic declaration.

To forgive is better than the alternative so as of now, I am releasing all my anxiety and anger associated to specific ordeals.  I dare myself to move forward to a place of cessation, serenity and repose. And I suggest you do the same.  Take your personal experiences and purge to start anew. 

LC

xo