Thanks be to Grooveshark.com for helping me find this artist. Frou Frou is its name and it has captured my heart. Blissful, slow and concentrated songs, they put my mind at ease and numb me to a state of total relaxation, which does not happen very often. I think so much when I have nothing but this particular artist on my playlist. One song in particular, and even more so, its' opening lines, have really arrested my interest. The single is The Dumbing Down of Love and what follows are the opening lines:
Well painted passion,
You rightly suspect,
Impersonation
[etc]
Monday morning was a very bizarre day. For one, I showed up to work when it was still closed after New Years and secondly, issues in my personal life arose. Short version:
It was early December. I made acquaintance with a boy. His name was Justin Bobby (hereon in referred to as JB) We talked incessantly. Flirty and fun would best describe our day long conversations. We finally met. There was finally a face to put to my new bbm bff. We went on a date. It was a whirlwind one at that. We kissed. We held hands. We frolicked in the streets of Toronto. From one establishment to the next, we conversed. We gave sweet caresses. We indulged in great conversation. We opened up our lives. We danced. We got carried away. The night ended. Conversations continued, as did a hunger for more. There was tons of flirty banter, peppered with intimate nothings, sweet dream wishes and good night bbm propositions. I couldn't wait for both he and I to be back in the city after our respective holiday excursions and have date two. Judging from what he had to say throughout our holidays, so was he. That was then, this is now. The boy has a girlfriend and it isn't me. Seems inexplicable doesn't it. Wishy washy? Undecided? Equivocal? Misleading ? Vacillating ? If you said yes to any of the above, you are right. However, somewhere along the way, between befriending this boy, our hour long conversations, and now, I started to get an intuitive feeling that perhaps I should put my guard up. And the reason for that gut feeling is best described in those three lines mentioned above.
Monday morning was a very bizarre day. For one, I showed up to work when it was still closed after New Years and secondly, issues in my personal life arose. Short version:
It was early December. I made acquaintance with a boy. His name was Justin Bobby (hereon in referred to as JB) We talked incessantly. Flirty and fun would best describe our day long conversations. We finally met. There was finally a face to put to my new bbm bff. We went on a date. It was a whirlwind one at that. We kissed. We held hands. We frolicked in the streets of Toronto. From one establishment to the next, we conversed. We gave sweet caresses. We indulged in great conversation. We opened up our lives. We danced. We got carried away. The night ended. Conversations continued, as did a hunger for more. There was tons of flirty banter, peppered with intimate nothings, sweet dream wishes and good night bbm propositions. I couldn't wait for both he and I to be back in the city after our respective holiday excursions and have date two. Judging from what he had to say throughout our holidays, so was he. That was then, this is now. The boy has a girlfriend and it isn't me. Seems inexplicable doesn't it. Wishy washy? Undecided? Equivocal? Misleading ? Vacillating ? If you said yes to any of the above, you are right. However, somewhere along the way, between befriending this boy, our hour long conversations, and now, I started to get an intuitive feeling that perhaps I should put my guard up. And the reason for that gut feeling is best described in those three lines mentioned above.
As a result of a past experience, I have a hard time believing people when they tell me that what I see is what I get. I for one am of that type. What I say and do is me. There is no fluff. There are no misunderstandings. But there are those, that for whatever reason, are in disguise. Whether it's in what they tell you or how they behave with you, there is some tweaking. I cannot wrap my head around that concept because sooner or later, that disguise will falter, it will fade and crack and then the real person will be exposed.
A friend once said that the people that talk themselves up and make it a point to tell you their positive personality traits are the ones you need to worry about the most. Like someone who has no self esteem is somehow the cockiest person in the room, as is a person who is lacking all the personality traits they speak of, they over compensate.
He painted passion well but just as I rightly suspected, he was an impersonation. He went away to Ohio, but actually Cincinnati, for New Years Eve. Days prior, he uttered such things as I will cry if you don't kiss me when you see me next, or you're my favourite colour, you're very desirable or come be my cuddle partner. I have a strong memory. That is one thing that will work against anyone who reneges on what they say or retracts a statement. I digress. We didn't speak at all throughout the weekend; first sign something was up. Upon his return to the city, without a hello or a heads up, he changed his status on facebook to "as in a relationship". Completely out of left field. Unexpectedly hit by a small and extremely weird blow. I was to give him a day to man up and approach me about it, but that was far too optimistic of me, for I was the one, after some waiting, that approached him. Central to what he had to say was that he had enough respect for me that he was going to message me that day. How kind of him. What a farce. Then, to my pleasant and unpleasant surprise, it was brought to my attention, that he, under his infamous 6 letter initials, is subscribed to sinister cams, a website described as "The naughtiest camsite featuring alternative and open minded, smokin hot models who likes to explore their limits, while you're watching! ".... Let's all laugh together now shall we. I never thought it would be possible to be disgusted and happy at the same time. A weird combination might I add. Thanks be to JB for going ahead with that discourteous status update prior to talking to me because thankfully, I have now dodged a huge bullet.
There have been some very depressing things happen this week. A friend passed away, a life cut short, and another friend who tried to cut her life short. Completely barraged with emotions as a result, I knew right then and there I had to rid myself of any contempt. Life is far too short to hold onto anything negative. It is a shame he disrespected me, a shame for him. It was very immature of him to use a social networking site to do the dirty deed. I am insulted by his actions but I extended a warm enough exchange despite all of this. I had things to say and I believe in saying too much than not enough. I came close to writing his girlfriend, but I opted not to. I wrote him an extensive email instead and he replied with something equally as lengthy.
My email in a nutshell: 1) You disrespected me....large 2) You're shady 3) Smarten up.
JB's email in a nutshell: 1) I did not mean to disrespect you 2) You are right to feel the way you do towards me 3) But....
My email in a nutshell: 1) You disrespected me....large 2) You're shady 3) Smarten up.
JB's email in a nutshell: 1) I did not mean to disrespect you 2) You are right to feel the way you do towards me 3) But....
# 24 in Jaime Morrison Curtis' book Prudent Advice - lessons for my baby daughter (a life list for every woman) reads "Don't lie, except to comfort people - I'm not upset that you lied to me, I'm upset that from now on I can't believe you". I wasn't looking for a response but I appreciated nonetheless. However, I take everything he said with a grain of salt. I hold zero faith in his sincerity.
# 219 reads "Everyone is a hypocrite - Hypocrisy is not the blanket failure it's made out to be. We all act in ways that conflict with the image we want to reflect or the values we want to reflect or the values we want to embody. Try not to pigeonhole people with expectations. Be forgiving of this inconsistency both in yourself and in others". In this whole situation, I feel the only thing I may have done that was contrary to who I am was give him too many hours of my day with conversation. I can forgive myself for that. What can't, not at this time anyway, are his major inconsistencies.
Our "courtship" (for the lack of a better term) ended as quickly as it started and there is a reason for its short life. Perhaps these are my lessons to take away:
I am now with a garter but without the male companion. Which leads me to say... onto the next one !
LCxo
Our "courtship" (for the lack of a better term) ended as quickly as it started and there is a reason for its short life. Perhaps these are my lessons to take away:
- Stay away from bbm. It's manufactured chemistry.
- Do not accept garters as a first date gift (* see below for further details)
- Always google people prior to any intellectual, emotional or physical stimulation. Always.
- Facebook breeds cowards.
- Stay away from porn hogs (wise and hilarious advice from a friend)
I am now with a garter but without the male companion. Which leads me to say... onto the next one !
LCxo
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